One More Thing...

[libertango]

I want to make another point about this whole episode. I didn't want to while saying what I thought needed to be said, because I didn't want to be accused of making this issue about me.

Let's look at the original post by fimbrethil, telling us she'd learned of my mistake:

"I am absolutely livid right now. I was pointed to a post else journal where someone, posting about 9/11, wrote that rosefox lost a husband as a result of 9/11. No, she didn't. She lost an LDR partner."

(emphasis added by me)

The crucial thing here, to me, is this:

Whoever pointed fimbrethil to my post did not take it up with me first. If they had, it would have taken no more than literally ten minutes to resolve. My words are not so precious to me that I wouldn't have made friendly amendments. Had I been contacted directly, the necessary corrections would have been made swiftly, and there would have been substantially less pain and distress all around. My first and foremost commitment is to the truth.

Perhaps I'm indulging in 20/20 hindsight when I say I think fimbrethil's reaction to the news was completely predictable -- but I don't think so.

To sum briefly:

There were two ways to resolve this -- a kind way, and a cruel way.

You, whoever-you-are, chose the cruel way.

Those were the choices you had.

Those were the choices you made.

Don't think you escaped being noticed.

*^*^*

I don't know who you are. I know this LJ is read by many people beyond those on my friends' list.

My point is, like the quote from Aaron Sorkin on my profile, "Well, God, Jed, I don't even want to know you."

You've caused enough pain and distress as is. Try to take "credit," and I'll delete the comment, and ban you.

If you're of a Judeo-Christian bent, you might want to ponder Exodus 22:22-24 for a while. Like I said at the time, "As someone who lost a father when he was seven, it's the children left behind for whom I grieve the most." (And, that said, all my heart goes out to Brigid, Liam & Elle's daughter.)

I've said my piece.

Comments

[singingnettle.livejournal.com]

She did add an edit saying that you corrected the mistake. There is at least that.

[athenais.livejournal.com]

Looks to me everyone's mad at rosefox, not you.

Not sure I wrote this well

[hal-obrien.livejournal.com]

...that's not the issue at all. Fimbrethil has been, indeed, very kind and gracious.

No, my wrath is at whoever it was who felt both a) I couldn't be trusted to correct my posts if contacted directly, and b) A 9/11 widow needed to be dragged in, with the scab of whatever pre-existing fight between her and Rose picked at, to boot.

If distress is needful, that's unfortunate, but liveable. I'm angry at the amount of unnecessary distress in all this.

Yup.

[hal-obrien.livejournal.com]

And, not unlike Fimbrethil's reaction, I think that also was entirely predictable (having read the various threads).

Which means whoever stirred this pot of worms, rather than contacting me directly so I could fix things quietly, may well have done so intentionally.

That's what I'm mad at.

[pecunium.livejournal.com]

Now that I've looked at the post of fimbrethil I understand a trifle better why you felt the need to apologise, which confused me a lot (even after I read this post).

I thought the person you were apologising to was user and while I can see you wanting to set the record straight, it didn't seem to need that much in the way of reparations.

I also didn't see why fimbrethil would be livid.

It is now much more clear.

I'm sorry this went that way.

TK

[bridget-coila.livejournal.com]

I think some people just need to turn everything into some kind of drama no matter who it might hurt.

Whoever pushed the drama by "pointing out" to someone else (as opposed to just letting you know the correct situation) what was obviously a miscommunication error should be ashamed of themselves. Unfortunately, they probably arent.

And we thought these kind of things ended in high school...

In the end, maybe everyone takes LiveJournal-land a little too seriously.

B

Re: Not sure I wrote this well

[singingnettle.livejournal.com]

Ya know, I haven't been following this except in a very cursory way, because my own life has been very stressful recently (most of which is not on LJ). But yeah, it does suck to get pulled into drama that could have been corrected very quickly and with minimal harm. I think it's part of the online dynamic that hasn't been quite resolved yet...the fact that things in print can blow up in ways that a face-to-face conversation would not.

Re: Not sure I wrote this well

[singingnettle.livejournal.com]

And maybe in a way it turns out that your factual error was a catalyst in Fimbrethil's getting to address a misrepresentation that was meaningful to her.

As far as I can glean about you in print and in the handful of face-to-face interactions we've had, you're a kind person...kind people bleed a lot when they think they've inadvertently hurt someone else. But it really does look like you did everything you needed to do to clear up your part in the miscommunication.

And I'll shut up now, in case I'm continuing to misunderstand what's going on. My brain is sort of foggy today and it's entirely possible that I'm making zero sense.

[zannah.livejournal.com]

I don't understand why people were so upset. You were doing a very sweet thing in remembering lives lost.

Well...

[hal-obrien.livejournal.com]

I don't think the comparison is direct, but... I have a lot more sympathy for these guys when it comes to the pace of re-building. :)

But, hey... When my leg was broken, and I was getting around on crutches and a wheelchair, I found myself very much in favor of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), too. (One example: Washington's freeway rest areas have electric dryers that are on the opposite wall from the sinks in the rest rooms. That meant I had to use my sopping --and slippery -- hands on my crutches to get my hands dry. Grrrr...)

[photosprout.livejournal.com]

Seconded. IAWTC.

Re: Not sure I wrote this well

[fimbrethil.livejournal.com]

And maybe in a way it turns out that your factual error was a catalyst in Fimbrethil's getting to address a misrepresentation that was meaningful to her.

Yes, that exactly.

Here's what happened.

[fimbrethil.livejournal.com]

A friend told me about it and was going to ask you to correct it themself and I asked that I be given the chance to do so. I had heard rumors of the misrepresentation before and chosen not to believe them. I did remember the post where Rose stated "Being widowed twice" but didn't want to search through her journal to find it because I'm done with her. This gave me the opportunity to fix the error. There was no malicious intent on the part of the person who pointed me here. I'm again, very sorry that this blew up in your personal space.

And thank you for adding me to your list. I have added you back.

Re: Here's what happened.

[fimbrethil.livejournal.com]

Oh and the anger has served a useful purpose, waking me up from a depressed stupor and getting me living again. While I am very sorry it happened at your expense, I am glad something got me going again.

Re: Not sure I wrote this well

[akirlu.livejournal.com]

I think the point was that shit-stirring for its own sake is a malicious, thuggish thing to do, and whoever stirred the shit was a malicious thug. This isn't about Hal again bleeding, it's about him being very angry at whoever decided it was necessary to add a whole bunch of pain to other people's lives for no very good reason.

Re: Not sure I wrote this well

[singingnettle.livejournal.com]

You know, I just don't know enough about this situation to say anything useful about it, so I will bow out. All I can really say is, the whole situation sounds very painful for a number of people, and that is regretful.

--s